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Precious Little Angel
We’ll never hear your laughter
Never see you smile
Never give you cuddles
as your tears we dry
We’ll not see you stumble
as you first begin to walk
or hear the sweetness of your chatter
as you begin to talk
We’ll not see you struggle
to learn to tie your laces
We’ll not laugh delighted
at all your different little faces
You’ll not go to day care
or to kindy or school
You’ll not earn a gold star
or sit on the ‘naughty’ stool
You’ll not grow into the beauty
we all knew that you’d become
You’ll not have a broken heart
because you’ve lost someone
But we will always love you
from the bottom of our hearts
We’ll not ever forget you
though we’re far apart
We’ll not ever see a sunflower
without knowing you’re around
We’ll feel your gentle presence
though you’ll not make a sound
You gave sunrise a special meaning
Now you’re forever free
Heaven has a precious new angel
Sweet little Lana Marie
Trish Johnston 02/02/2020
Through the eyes of the soul
Staring out my window
at the break of day
sun rising in the distance
not so far away
The dawning of the day
bringing a brand new start
picking up the pieces
of lost and lonely heart
Shattered by the darkness
of a long and sleepless night
where demons come alive
shielding the truth from sight
Light seeps into my soul
in this cold and empty house
urging me ever onward
in troubled times of doubt
Fear not the future, darling
for it’s written in the stars
home is that special place
inside my beloveds heart
Trish Johnston © 12th February 2019
Sunrise and Sunset
The last golden rays of sunset
Shine within her eyes
As a glow of expectation
For a future yet to rise
For with sunset comes a closure
A gentle but final farewell
To a time of indecision
Where her fears overwhelm
As the lands stretch out before her
On their beauty she feasts
For therein lies her future
Uncertainty retreats
Just as the warm glow bathes the earth
It seeps into her soul
For together they will blend
Sunrise and sunset forever the whole.
Trish Johnston © 25th October 2018
Soul Mates
I had a message from a friend a week or so ago letting me know that her husband had passed away several months ago. It took me a few days to respond to the message, not because I didn’t care but because it had such an impact on me. This couple were such a wonderful match, just right for each other and so happy together, so obviously in love. Sadly their time together was limited by his illness but the most important thing they did was make the most of every moment they had together.
It got me wondering… is it possible for everyone to have what they had… that one amazing connection with another which many refer to as soul mates. Many of us love during our lifetimes, some several times, but how many of us have that all consuming connection with another human being. Where we touch each others souls, where the physical attraction is as strong as but is also secondary to the emotional and spiritual connection.
I believe it is possible to have more than one soul mate or should I say soul mates on different levels. Wonderful friendship with another of similar energy to ourselves. Some are purely spiritual while others are purely emotional or possibly physical. They are very special connections in themselves, however to have that one person with whom you have a total connection, the spiritual, physical and emotional is truly unique and precious. It is as though you know that you have known each other before in previous lifetimes, you are so familiar to each other. You may not have actual memories of other times together but you have an energetic imprint which is like a magnet and the connection is not to be denied.
Now I am not talking about that comfortable as an old shoe feeling, where you immediately relax with another. While that is a lovely comforting connection the unique soul mate connection is more one that, though it can be very comfortable and comforting, it also has an edge to it that stimulates us and keeps us alert and looking forward to the next moment, the next possibility, the next profound experience. Not that life is always deeply profound, however, when shared with that particular person every moment holds something precious, a surreal sunset, a wild flower in bloom, the majesty of an eagle soaring, the bliss of pure silence or the richness of laughter. Made all the more magical by their presence.
Maybe it is the romance of the poet which makes me pen these words for I am one of the lucky ones who have experienced this connection… I hope you get share it also.
’til next time,
Indigo (aka Trish)
The Goddess Rises
She fights to halt this train
Stop it in its tracks
Slow down these thoughts
That keep taking her back
She hears the rattle of carriages
The rhythm of their wheels
Just as her mind betrays her
And her senses reel
She trembles in the darkness
Though the sun is high
Life is just a battle field
Upon which many die
This is not her purpose
Not where her life ends
The warrior rises up within
Her fighting spirit ascends
As a phoenix she will rise up
Many layers left behind
To reveal her inner Goddess
Infinite love personified.
Trish Johnston © 30th May 2017
Share the Journey
Let me drown in your silence
Let me fly amongst the stars
Let me float upon your dreams
Let me heal your ragged scars
Raise me up upon your laughter
Lower me gently on your sigh
Allow me to smooth your brow
Dry the tears you try to hide
I’ll be the Milky Way
Upon which you gaze
As the answers you seek
Appear in the starry haze
I’ll be the gentle stream
That bathes your fevered skin
I’ll be the fragrant breeze
That soothes you deep within
Share with me your journey
As the path unfolds
I’ll be right by your side
Through everything the future holds.
Trish Johnston © 29th May 2017
That all consuming – Fear of Abandonment
As many introverts do, I love to people watch. I love to watch others with absolutely no agenda other than to observe. It is very interesting what comes at times like this, what can be seen, what is revealed without any awareness. Of course, as an empath often I do not have to observe, sometimes merely thinking about the person brings forth images and emotions. There was a time when I did not understand this and I believed that these emotions were mine. Now I have come to realise that while I feel the emotions they are not mine to keep, they are that part of another which I have the ability to feel and most of the time interpret. This can be both a blessing and a curse as often the first instinct is to reach out from a place of loving kindness. This is what I always used to do however, now I reach out to very few. In fact, for the most part, I wait for them to come to me and then it is for me to decide where I go from there. This is my very simple method of protecting myself.
Recently I seem to be confronted with many people with very strong fears of abandonment and rejection. Is this a case of like attracts like? Or is there more to it than that? This question rolls around in my subconscious and I’m sure an answer will come to me.
As I dissect these emotions they unfold in all their complicated simplicity. So many have experienced the pain of being abandoned at some stage in their lives. That much is obvious, but then what follows that is a myriad of reactions. Each individual person reacts differently to any given scenario, though ultimately self-preservation is their goal.
Although it is not seen an official phobia, the fear of abandonment is almost certainly one of the most common and most damaging “phobias” of all. People with the fear of abandonment very often display compulsive behaviours and patterns of thought which subconsciously they use to sabotage their relationships, ultimately leading to the dreaded though expected abandonment. This fear can be devastating, creating a vortex of still more fears off shooting from it.
- They foster co-dependent relationships because this fulfills their deep desire to feel needed.
- They collect relationships in an effort to prove to themselves that they are loved.
- They form close relationships with those that they are least likely to be able to fulfill that relationship with. This gives them the opening to pour all their emotions into the ‘relationship’ but never have to be totally, tangibly involved or accessible.
- They do not believe that they have a right to true happiness.
- Their loneliness consumes them and leads them on that never ending cycle of seeking a relationship to validate their worth.
- They live in a world of denial
- They fear that others will not accept the negative aspects of them, not acknowledging that we all have those negative aspects. It is all about balancing the negative and the positives… as everything in life is.
- They expect and accept blame for almost everything.
- They expect to fail.
- They often suffer from other fears also ie. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of commitment etc
- They fail to see their true worth.
- They push away those they love the most.
And life goes on…
Peaceful journeys
Indigo… aka Trish
When…
When your tears become a river
Washing out to sea
She will shed hers too
Alone so you cannot see
When harsh darkness shrouds you
And with pain and anguish cower
She will hold back the shadows
In this your darkest hour
When you need a beacon
To light a pitch black path
She’ll be right there beside you
The light of love in her heart
When you are tired and weary
And the demons starts to rise
She will slay them for you
With the fury in her eyes
When you feel you are deserted
And that you face this world alone
She’ll reach out and take your hand
And guide you safely home
Trish Johnston © 31st August 2016
Letter from an empath
I’m not sure if you believe in empaths but let me tell you a bit about this empath.
She feels (not just senses but FEELS) almost all of your emotions.
She hurts when you hurt.
She feels your withdrawal.
She feels when your spirits lift.
She feels your fear.
She understands your pain and uncertainty.
She spends weeks with a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach… a fear, a desolation which is not hers to own.
She feels your feelings of failure, of anger against the hypocrisy and injustice you’ve been subjected to.
She knows when you have little energy or enthusiasm for life.
She knows how much you need her but are too numb or fearful to reach out.
She knows how little you trust yourself.
She knows also that you expect far more of yourself than she does.
When you cry, she cries.
When you laugh, she laughs.
She understands the need for solitude for she also seeks it.
She will work hard to protect herself however her sensitivity is the essence of who she is.
She is strong though vulnerable.
She will open herself to the possibility of excruciating pain.
She will love unconditionally on many levels.
She will not give up on something that she truly believes in.
She has a depth which others find disconcerting and uncomfortable.
She looks into your eyes and sees your soul.
She understands that what she sees before her is only superficial and skin deep there is so much more.
She feels the vibrations of the land.
She draws her energy from Nature, not people.
She hides her pain from others behind a smile.
She has accepted and is comfortable with who she is.
She accepts that her journey is her own.
She knows that others may judge her but that does not concern her.
She recognises others from her tribe.
She is not quick to trust, however, she has time for everyone.
She will shut others out when she is in need of rest… for however long this may be.
She lives her life from a place within her heart.
She shares her love with many but has only one true love.
She guards her heart with a ferocity of a lioness but when she gives it she give her all.
You may not believe in empaths, but I sure do for what I have just described is my life.
Peaceful journeys.
Indigo's Musings 