Have you ever heard been told that you look like you have just lost your best friend? Recently I had a dreadful experience where I actually thought that this had happened! “What?” you say. “How can you lose your best friend?” Let me tell you I thought exactly the same thing however through a chain of events which was totally out of both our control it appeared that this had actually happened.
Out of respect for my friend and his privacy I will call him Tom. I will also not reveal the exact details of what occurred however suffice it to say that it has cast a shadow of doubt over many of what have in recent years become day to day activities for many of us.
The story of Toms’ and my friendship is very near and dear to me. We actually met through a social media site on the internet several years ago. I cannot honestly say who contacted who first but it was apparent very quickly that we shared similar views and had similar outlooks on life. After a few chats online we met for coffee one afternoon and therein began a wonderful friendship.
I had not been in Adelaide all that long and being a typical introvert, I had very few friends. Tom was from out of town, working there on a project. He explained to me that he was tired of eating out alone and that he just wanted a friend he could call up and ask to catch up for coffee, a drink or a meal. A perfect situation for both of us. Here we had both found someone that we could relate to, who’s company we enjoyed, no pressure for a ‘relationship’, we truly were both just seeking friendship…and what a wonderful friendship this has become.
In no time at all we had fallen into a routine of catching up for at least one meal during the week. On weekends when Tom’s work permitted we would go for drives into the Adelaide Hills or along the coast, exploring beautiful South Australia. We would talk for hours on absolutely any topic at all. Never before had I experienced such and open and honest friendship with another person. We really “got” each other. I bought a book of vouchers for eateries, pubs and restaurants and very often we would pick a voucher at random and head to that destination for our evening meal. This lead to a couple of drives which ended up being a little further than we had anticipated which only added to the fun. It also introduced this little country girl to some wonderful food from other cultures which I had never experienced before. One of the only things that Tom and I disagreed on was how much chilli made a dish just right. He liked lots…I am not so adventurous.
During this time we both occasionally dated. I had a rather disjointed and frustrating but very delicious connection happening with a beautiful man. There were many times when Tom listened to me recounting conversations with this man, sometimes even holding me while I cried. Never did Tom judge me or the man, occasionally I would sense his frustration but he was the most supportive friend I had. When others were offering me their opinions on both myself and my not so present man Tom would just say something like “Sweetie, if you truly believe in it don’t give up on it” or similar words of wisdom. There were times when he would turn to me and in return he received no judgement, just acceptance and encouragement.
He introduced me to the beauty of being me. True, I still struggle in some ways but he certainly encouraged me to realise that within each of us there is something special. He took me to the local nudist beach! Me, who won’t be seen dead in a swim suit, at a nudist beach! It took some coaxing but eventually I shed the sarong and just enjoyed the wonderful feeling of the sun and the water upon my skin, always accompanied by this wonderful friend from whom all I received was total acceptance of who I am.
Eventually the project that Tom was working on was wound up and he received word that he was leaving Adelaide with only a few days notice. How sad it was for us to have to accept that we were no longer going to be able to catch up whenever we chose. One thing we knew though was that our friendship would endure the passage of time and distance. It is rare that two people connect in such a very simple way. I think that is what makes it so special is that there are no complications between us, we talk, we share, we laugh, we feel pain but we share it as only true friends can.
We stayed in regular contact. Poor Tom still being my rock when I am sure there were times that he would happily have shaken me. Me being there to support him through any trials he was experiencing also. He spoke to me of his excitement about an overseas trip he was taking. He told me that he would do his best to keep in touch during the time that he was away, internet etc permitting. We messaged back and forth in the lead up to his departure. His excitement was rather infectious. I was thrilled that this man who works so hard had the chance to get away and hopefully get some much needed R & R. I knew that it was quite possible that I would not hear from him for the duration of his holiday but then that is how it is with friends. We do not always have to be in touch to know that we are still in each other’s lives.
On the day of his departure I received word from him that he could no longer have any contact with me. What the????? My best friend emailing me to say he could no longer talk to me? I don’t know that anyone has any idea of what a shock this could possibly be. One moment my best friend, my confidante, the next just not there! It was worse than any romantic relationship ending, I was numb and stunned. Of course, he had left the country so I had no way of contacting him except the email through which I received the cold message. Was it for real? In my heart of hearts I told myself that it was not him, Tom would never do this to a friend, especially not one as close as we were. I showed it to another friend who knows him also and we agreed that it was totally out of character for him however the nagging “what ifs” continued to eat away at my mind.
Three months dragged by. Almost every day Tom would cross my mind. Maybe something would happen that I would think would make him laugh or I’d have a problem which I knew I could talk through with him. I heard nothing during this time. Eventually when I knew that he was back in the country I sent him a message, rather a bland greeting to which he replied! It appears that his email account had been hacked. The hateful message was indeed not from Tom, as I had suspected.
I cannot explain the emotions that have run through me since we reconnected a few days ago. It is like my world has come back on to its axis again. My best friend has returned to my life though he never really knew that he had left it! What an amazing roller coaster ride it has been for me. Yes, I do have other friends, some wonderful, caring, loving people whom I love dearly and yes, I would have managed without him in my life, but I am so very very happy to have my best friend back. I wonder is he ready to hear about the next instalment of my life or should I ease him into it gently?
