It is interesting to note that while we are in the grip of depression we truly feel that there is not another living person who can possibly understand what it is that we are experiencing. We feel that we are totally alone and destined to remain that way for even if we could bring ourselves to a stage where we could actually contemplate a relationship who could possibly ever want to share a life with someone so screwed up and insecure? We never ever consider that there are many many people living with very similar burdens as we are.
It is indeed true that about 1 in 5 (maybe even more) people suffer from some form of debilitating mental illness at some stage of their lives. So many suffer in silence, too engulfed in their despair to realise that people truly do care and that help is right there at their fingertips, if only they could see it. Instead, typically, we tend to allow ourselves to sink deeper and deeper into the black hole which is consuming us. We isolate ourselves, very cleverly managing to function through out the times when we are with others only to, at the very first opportunity, scurry back to our ‘safe’ place where we can hide from everything for a time.
I live alone and I enjoy my own company. I am an introvert by nature which means (according to a wonderful psychologist I shared my angst with) that I find that when I am with others I feel drained. I need time by myself to rejuvinate. Alone time is good for my soul, or at least time in company which is unobtrusive and undemanding. I find that I can spend weeks on end doing nothing much more than going to and from work, eating and sleeping. It eventually culminates with a need to escape into the country. The minute I drive out of the city I feel the weight start to lift off my shoulders and my mind begin to start to peek out from where it has been hiding. I cannot wait to go into the bush. Sometimes I pull the car over and take a little stroll or even just get out and breathe in the air, allowing peace to fill me and settle my weary mind. I may take my anti depressants religiously but they are very strongly aided by my afinity with the bush and its ability to cleanse me of my ‘crap’ so to speak. I take copious amount of photographs so that when I return to the city I have the memories of the bush to lose myself in. I imagine it is difficult for those who do not have the love of the bush to understand just how therapeutic it really is for me. We each have something which lifts our heart and feeds our soul. If you do not know what it is then I suggest that you explore and find it. It could just save your life!