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When…

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When your tears become a river
Washing out to sea
She will shed hers too
Alone so you cannot see

When harsh darkness shrouds you
And with pain and anguish cower
She will hold back the shadows
In this your darkest hour

When you need a beacon
To light a pitch black path
She’ll be right there beside you
The light of love in her heart

When you are tired and weary
And the demons starts to rise
She will slay them for you
With the fury in her eyes

When you feel you are deserted
And that you face this world alone
She’ll reach out and take your hand
And guide you safely home

Trish Johnston © 31st August 2016

Letter from an empath

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I’m not sure if you believe in empaths but let me tell you a bit about this empath.
She feels (not just senses but FEELS) almost all of your emotions.
She hurts when you hurt.
She feels your withdrawal.
She feels when your spirits lift.
She feels your fear.
She understands your pain and uncertainty.
She spends weeks with a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach… a fear, a desolation which is not hers to own.
She feels your feelings of failure, of anger against the hypocrisy and injustice you’ve been subjected to.
She knows when you have little energy or enthusiasm for life.
She knows how much you need her but are too numb or fearful to reach out.
She knows how little you trust yourself.
She knows also that you expect far more of yourself than she does.
When you cry, she cries.
When you laugh, she laughs.
She understands the need for solitude for she also seeks it.
She will work hard to protect herself however her sensitivity is the essence of who she is.
She is strong though vulnerable.
She will open herself to the possibility of excruciating pain.
She will love unconditionally on many levels.
She will not give up on something that she truly believes in.
She has a depth which others find disconcerting and uncomfortable.
She looks into your eyes and sees your soul.
She understands that what she sees before her is only superficial and skin deep there is so much more.
She feels the vibrations of the land.
She draws her energy from Nature, not people.
She hides her pain from others behind a smile.
She has accepted and is comfortable with who she is.
She accepts that her journey is her own.
She knows that others may judge her but that does not concern her.
She recognises others from her tribe.
She is not quick to trust, however, she has time for everyone.
She will shut others out when she is in need of rest… for however long this may be.
She lives her life from a place within her heart.
She shares her love with many but has only one true love.
She guards her heart with a ferocity of a lioness but when she gives it she give her all.

You may not believe in empaths, but I sure do for what I have just described is my life.

Peaceful journeys.

Hidden Caves

Hidden Caves

I hate this place,
this hidden cave
This place I go
when I can’t cope

It cuts me off
from all I love
It cuts me off
from any hope

There is no light
Its dark in here
I don’t care
Don’t want to see

I cry my tears
While no one sees
These tears I cry
While no one cares

This pain I feel
I can’t explain
No one cares
Alone again

I push them away
They do not try
To stay around
And I know why

Not worthy of
Another’s love
Just poke and prod
And push and shove

I love this place
This hidden cave
Where I go when
It gets too much

Don’t bother me
Just stay away
Leave me alone
In my misery

Trish Johnston 9th December 2010

Spear Creek… all good things must come to an end. Par 10

Spear Creek… all good things must come to an end. Par 10

Well, it would appear that the fault was more serious than first thought. I was up and showering yet again at about 5.45am after not a lot of sleep at all. Very unpleasant to wake with my hair plastered to my skin feeling wet enough for me to think I had already had a shower. I decided there and then that it was time for me to move on. The predicted heat wave was upon us and without air-conditioning in my room my sense of adventure was being tested to the full.

By the time Sharon came and saw me at about 8am to say that word had been received that it could be 11am or better before power is restored I was already almost completely packed up. She encouraged me to move on as she assured me that it was only going to get hotter and there would be no respite. At least she and Graham have a generator which they can run and use their air conditioning. As we stood and chatted the last of the vans from the camping area trundled past us; it seemed that I was not the only one looking for cooler climes.

I felt it was rather a sad way to leave my little haven. I would much have preferred to leave with an ache within because of having to leave it behind although it was nice to have been able to make the choice with a positive outcome to look forward to… at this stage the positive outcome may only have been a trip in the air conditioning in my car but anything was better than the prospect of another day in the heat with no respite.

After yet another cold shower I finished off my packing, which I might say went extremely well considering that I had bought a new sizable esky. I was a little concerned that when it came time I may not have been able to fit everything in again but by then the ice had melted away to just iced water and the esky could be used as storage for all those bits and pieces that you seem to accumulate which don’t have a home.

I snapped off a couple more shots of Spear Creek and once again sent a thought of thanks to my friend for suggesting it to me as I drove over to the office to settle up my rent for the past 6 nights. Oh, of course! There is no power and so there are not electronic payment options and who, in this day and age carries cash on them? No worries, Sharon is happy it take my details and charge my credit card when the power eventually comes back on. She is also very generous in discounting last night by over 50% because of the lack of air-conditioning. Good old country hospitality.

As I drive out with the dust billowing behind me I wonder where to from here. Do I go Melrose, one of my favourite places in South Australia for a night or two, or maybe even stop at the Mt Remarkable National Park and see if there is a camping space available there. I head in to Port Augusta to grab a quick bite to eat and contemplate my options. It is such a relief to be driving on the rough road and have no rattles accompanying me.

After a quick Macca’s breakfast I set off again. Mt Remarkable National Park seemed like a good option to me, if a relatively cool spot is available. As I drove, very careful to stick to the speed limit after receiving my first ever speeding ticket on my way out to Port Augusta the previous week, I relived the past week in my mind. How fortunate am I to have the ability to just pack up and do as I chose to do, at least while I am on leave from work anyway. Wouldn’t it be heaven if I could live somewhere out in the country again and spend my time writing and taking photographs? Something to aim for in the future. As I approach the turn off to the National Park I see a hand written sign stuck under the road sign saying that due to the extreme conditions the Mt Remarkable National Park was closed. Well, the decision has been made for me. Adelaide, here I come.
As I drive through Lochiel I stop to photograph the salt lakes there. It is disappointing that they are not bright pink or mauve as they often are when I drive past but they are still worthy of a picture anyway. Further on down the road I see dust swirling through the air. The wind is blowing hard and the top soil of the recently worked paddocks was being blown goodness only knows where. I did not stop to photograph it unfortunately, I wish now that I had.

As one adventure drew to a close I knew in my heart that there would be more to come. I have my tent and the rest of the gear required now to camp whenever I can get away from work. I have made a promise to myself that I will get out of the city and find other areas where I can experience the solitude of the country side. Now that I have taken the first step so much opens up before me. With a light and easy sense of freedom I head back to my suburban life, knowing that now I have taken the first step in a new and exciting journey.

Thank you for joining me in my experience. I look forward to sharing many more with you in the future. My friend assures me that there is another place which I will love even more… stay tuned, hopefully I can share it with you also.

Spear Creek….Ahhhhh what a perfect place to write…. My place of Solitude. Part 5

Spear Creek....Ahhhhh what a perfect place to write…. My place of Solitude. Part 5

28th December 2013

What a stinker of a night last night! Soooo hot and still for the most part. Of course, the wind picked up again around 2am but not as bad as the first night. The air con whirring next door may have made me feel it even worse.

I woke nice and early, the sun was not yet sneaking over the top of the ranges. How lovely it is to lay there and read without the heat and the flies. I was tempted to turn on the radio and make a bit of noise but I know what it is like to be camping with tired and cranky kids so I restrained myself.

I ran into Clem (with the trail bike) in the communal facilities. He and his family are on their way to NSW after 6 months in the Northern Territory. They went up there for a holiday and ended up staying for a while with work being very plentiful. He thought it was time to return home and see what needed doing at his place. He assured me that if I didn’t mind living in some rough areas I would find work without any problems in the Territory. Apparently they are screaming out for workers in all fields. I wonder……

My chat with Clem was the first time I had actually spoken with anyone since my arrival. It was lovely to exchange pleasantries and a bit of light chatter and then go back to my little piece of paradise.

I was sitting drinking my coffee and contemplating the scenery when Sharon the caretaker came and introduced herself. She asked how long I planned on staying and was not at all surprised when I said I had no idea. A lovely friendly lady, she said that she and Graham were off to town (Port Augusta) for supplies and did I need anything while she was there. I assured her that I would be heading in myself before long and thanked her for her kindness. Just the perfect type of person to be looking after this place.

As I made a mental list of what I need, ice and maybe a decent new esky being the priority, one by one the others around me began to pack up and leave. By the time I was ready to head into town I was once again on my own!

On the trip to town I once again saw the emus. Not so many this time but obviously it is a place they like to hang out. I wondered for a moment whether it could be an emu farm but then when I looked at the state of the fences it was obvious they were not there to keep the emus in.

On my return from town I noticed a clunking noise in the front driver’s side of my car. Uh oh! Maybe I should not have spent that money on the new Waeco Ice Box! Oh well, what is done is done. Fortunately I do actually know a mechanic in Port Augusta and a lovely fellow he is too. I will have to get him to take a look at my car and hopefully repair it for me.

It was so nice to return to Spear Creek and ‘my’ tree. It has been a lovely place to rest and rejuvenate. Even better when there is no one around and one can feel as though they are the only person on earth.

I received a message from a girlfriend asking me what my plans for New Year’s Eve were. I don’t think she really understood when I said that I still didn’t know if I would even be back in the city by then. Not everyone feels the same as I about the bush but now that I have found this place, thanks to my friend’s recommendation, I am not at all keen to leave it.

As I snap photographs of some of the bird life I think to myself….Ahhhhh what a perfect place to write…. My place of Solitude.

To be continued…..

Spear Creek… Where did that Solitude go? Part 4

Spear Creek... Where did that Solitude go? Part 4

27th December 2013

Evening

The day had been very warm and I was sitting in the shade of ‘my’ tree enjoying a cold drink and watching the birds playing under the sprinkler when I heard the unmistakable sound of a vehicle towing a van. Next thing I knew I had company in my little haven. Two pop up camper trailers being towed by sparkling dual cab 4x4s, in each of them were Mum and Dad and two children. They conveniently parked on the opposite side of the complex so that I had a front row seat for the entertainment.

Vehicle 1: Mum and Dad and 2 young girls approximately 12 and 9 disembark. Mum and Dad are sharing a chuckle over something and the children are chattering happily.

Vehicle 2: Mum and Dad and 1 girl approximately 12 and a boy about 10 alight. Mum and Dad are squabbling over whether the van is parked well enough or not. Daughter and son are eager to explore…but not together!

Vehicle 1: Mum tells the girls to go and have a look around and see what they can find (oh and by the way “See the kangaroo poo on the ground.” The girls laugh and off they go. Mum and Dad set about setting up their van. Obviously they have a routine and it all comes together nicely.

Vehicle 2: Kids are off with their friends exploring while Mum grumbles about how it must be great to be a kid and not have to do the work “Don’t walk in the kangaroo poo! I don’t want to have to clean that up out of the van!” They have 2 kayaks on the top of their van and have a rather animated discussion about whether it makes more sense to leave them there and wind the pop top up or remove the straps and lift them off before doing so. Eventually Dave from Vehicle 1 is called on for his opinion. Dave points out that considering they are stacked on top of each other on one side of the roof it may be best to remove them so as not to put undue strain on one side of the roof once it is raised. Mum and Dad set about undoing the two straps that hold them to the roof and yell for the kids to come and help lift them down. That done they prepare to set up camp.

Vehicle 1: Site is organised with chairs and table set up. The kids are back and Mum suggests they might like to play under the sprinkler to cool off. The kids are off and loving it.

Vehicle 2: She’s winding the roof up too fast apparently, however when she suggests to him that he might like to do it he very quickly points out that she is doing fine, just needs to slow down just a little to ensure the cable doesn’t kink. How does she know how far to wind? He assures her that she will know when it is fully extended. At last the top is up. Now to extend the beds. Gives the kids a water pistol each to play with.

Vehicle 1: Mum suggests that Dad might like to offer a hand to Vehicle 2. Didn’t catch Dad’s reply but no assistance was offered.

Vehicle 2. A discussion on where the fishing gear needed to be put and here while you are at it take these life jackets too. Next thing a tv antenna is passed out. “Hey Dave, did I tell you I brought a telly?” Dave: “You’re kidding right?” “No, I bought a 32 inch screen so we can watch the cricket. I’ll have to get you to help me set it up and tune it in.” Dave and Mum just shake their heads. At this stage I am not sure exactly what else to expect to come out the door of the van. Kids come sneaking over and squirt both sets of Mums and Dads. Vehicle 1 parents laugh and threaten retaliation. Vehicle 2 Mum shrieks that she detests being wet when she is hot, if they can’t play sensibly with them she’ll take them off them! Makes me wonder what parent would think any child is going to be “sensible” with a water pistol? More to the point what is “sensible” with a water pistol?

Eventually they settle down in the shade of the trees on the opposite side of the complex to where they set up camp. Time for drinks and some relaxation.

Another vehicle arrives. After some deliberation they decide to camp in a different area so off they go.

Another vehicle arrives. A rather large extender van with Mum and Dad and 3 small children. They decide that the spot right next to me looks great. They set up and turn the air con on to cool the van down. Dad takes the kids over to the sprinkler which the caretaker had just turned off and turned it back on again so the kids could play.

Another vehicle arrives. A van towing a motor bike in a trailer. Mum Dad and 2 teenage kids. Nowhere near as entertaining as the previous arrivals.

The caretaker comes out and turns the sprinkler off again. Toddler starts to shriek because the water has stopped. Mum waits until the caretaker has gone and unhooks the sprinkler and turns the tap on for the little one to play under. Apparently they don’t have to worry about water conservation in Esperance.

I head off to the showers lamenting that my solitude has been shattered again and this time it is not by Mother Nature.

How lucky for us all that when the partying ended the fellow in the extender van forgot to turn his outside light off thus lighting up the entire camping area. The night is incredibly hot and the air con whirrs next to me all night.

Where oh where has my solitude gone???

To be continued….

Spear Creek… Solitude and Nature. Part 3.

2013-12-27 10.18.5127th December 2013

After a rather sleepless night it was lovely to wake up and find that by some stroke of luck the bulk of my tent is in the shade of trunk of ‘my’ tree. The wind continued to blow until around 9.30am and kept it nice and cool so I took the chance to read and doze. When I was up and about I decided to take a stroll along the gully near the camp site.

Once again I was struck by the ancient feel of the land and trees. So many beautiful things to photograph. As I wandered along snapping happily I spotted a grey kangaroos tail laying out across the trail I was on. I continued on until I saw the rest of him, he was happily munching away on something by a small shrub. He raised his head and looked at me with a rather baleful stare, as if he were wishing me far away. The poor things must get sick and tired of humans invading their space. I snapped a few shots of him and then moved a little closer. Remaining very aware that this is indeed an wild animal at home in his environment, something we must never take for granted. I have heard the horror stories of what ‘roos can do with their powerful hind legs and I have no intentions of having those kinds of tales of my own to share. Once he let me take a closer photo and then bounded off away from me and along with him his mate, who had been laying down in the shade of a pepperina tree right beside where I stood. To say I was very startled would be a gross understatement. So much for being careful about getting too close to a wild animal. What was very interesting though was that something of that size can lay under the weeping leaves of a tree and go unnoticed. It does make one wonder how many other ‘things’ lay unobserved.

I continued on feeling pretty pleased with myself, enjoying the sunshine on my shoulders, trickles of perspiration rolling down my back…charming I know, but I have to tell it like it is. Sensibly I did have my back pack, mostly to carry alternative lenses for my camera but I also thought to put a water bottle in there as well. After wearing it for a while on a day as hot as yesterday I can now understand why you often see students with them lung over one shoulder; they do get quite hot after a while. Of course, my level of extreme UNfitness could contribute to the heavier than usual perspiration also. I really must do more of this!

My next walking companion was a lovely red kangaroo. Not the biggest that I have seen but quite large and muscular and strong looking. This one was far more aware of my approach and not so happy to pose for any candid shots, neither was his mate who followed closely on his tail as he bounded off ahead of me.

Once back at camp even a ham and tomato sandwich with an ice cold beer seemed like gourmet food. If I keep this up I will be able to take on Master Chef no problems!

After some quiet time with a book the noise of a vehicle told of the arrival of the caretakers. The lady raised her hand in greeting left me to myself. Solitude had been restored…..

To be continued…..

Spear Creek…. a place of Solitude (Part 1)

Spear Creek.... a place of Solitude (Part 1)

As I approached the entry to Spear Creek, there in the paddock beside me I saw at least a dozen emus, possibly more, they were scattered everywhere fossicking on the barren land for some little tid bit. As I pulled over to snap a few photos I knew I was coming to the right place.

Spear Creek, a working sheep station just out from Stirling North in South Australia, was recommended to me by someone to whom I would entrust my life. If he said this place would suit my search for solitude then that is where I was going.

Upon arrival the office was shut with a notice saying that management was currently away and to please select a site and ring the number provided to arrange payment. I walked around the campsites and was instantly in awe of the beautiful ancient trees around the area, the backdrop to the trees being the magnificent Flinders Ranges. The best part about it was that there was not another person in sight.

As I started to clear off an area to set up my tent marvelling at the number of butterflies which were fluttering around, I reached to pick up something lying on the ground. It was a bottle top on which was stamped a lion’s head. Now anyone who knows me well knows that I always wear two pendants, one of an angel and the other a lion’s head. The appearance of the butterflies (living symbols of angels) and the lion’s head had me smiling deep within. The signs are always there, we just have to recognise them.

So I set about putting my campsite together. The birds danced and chattered in the trees around me. It was not long at all before they had christened my brand new tent with a dropping or two and when I scolded them they proved that their aim was no fluke as the next one was on my head! Cheeky things.

After the work was completed I sat under the shade of ‘my’ ancient tree, a lovely cold beer in a stubby cooler; and allowed the energy to soak right into my being. How lovely it is to not only have the awareness of ancient times but also to have it surrounding you. Off in the distance I could hear sheep bleating, a comforting childhood memory. The birdsong never ceased, not until the light of the day had faded.

There was a time when this kind of solitude would have been too much for me, fears would have surfaced and I would not have been able to stay in such a place. Now, at this time in my life this is exactly what makes my heart soar. To reach out and touch the beautiful smooth bark of ‘my ‘ ancient tree and feel the energy emanating from it is a humbling experience indeed. Images of those who had walked the land before me danced before my eyes.

Indeed, what a wonderful place is Spear Creek; one of those rare places that really can be referred to as Heaven on Earth.

to be continued….