I wonder….

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Look around you carefully
I wonder what you see
I wonder do you hear the sounds
of silence as you breathe

Do you hear your heart beat
the blood flow through your veins
the thoughts that tumble softly down
like a gentle summer rain

Do the winds unsettle you
Do clouds darken your days
Do you love the sweet caress
of the suns warm rays

Are there thoughts within your mind
that you wish you could share
or do you prefer to keep them
safe and secure there

Do memories often taunt you
from a past that’s brought you pain
sneaking up unexpectedly
to raise their ugly heads again

Or maybe thoughts of pleasure
with a warmth all of their own
wrap themselves around you heart
their words written in stone

Do you hear the whispers
blowing across the lands
of hope and love and promises
drifting through the sand

The senses tell us stories
without uttering a word
be present in this moment
and within all will be heard

Trish Johnston 17th July 2016

 

Progress? Change? Or just simply life?

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Ever had that feeling that there is so much more to life than what you are currently doing?  It is something that I experience from time to time and it has only been in recent years that I have started to honour it.  I have had many ‘wise’ people tell me that ‘one day you will have to stop running away’.  It used to make me stop and doubt my inner feelings, make me wonder what exactly it is that I am ‘running away’ from.  These days I no longer listen to these helpful folk.  I know that what is within me is my ultimate guide. My wisdom comes from within and while there are times that I allow fear to dictate I know that I will find peace once I let go of that fear and do what feels right to me.

I do not feel that I am running from something, nor do I feel that I am constantly searching as others sometimes tell me I am doing.  Searching implies that I’ve lost something.  I certainly do not feel that I’ve lost anything, rather that each and every time I make another life choice I am growing and evolving on many different levels.

Several years ago I became the proud owner of a beautiful website.  A wonderfully patient friend produced some stunning art work for the site. The site was to showcase not only my healing modalities – Kinesiology, Reiki, Massage, Spiritual Guidance but to allow me to share my writing with the great big wide world.  At first, like most people I was very enthusiastic and posted regularly.  Then gradually I allowed the demands of life as it was then to change my focus.  Eventually I forgot how to even log on to manage the site so I allowed it to go where so many other websites go, that graveyard in cyber space!

Recently I had the urge to start up my website again.  In the intervening years from when I began my first site and now I have had so many experiences, some of which were painful, some of which were very extremely enjoyable, all of which culminated in the realisation that within me there is the soul of a gypsy, a wanderer, a free spirit.

As I progressed along my path experiencing life, I wrote many poems on so many different topics.  At times my emotions poured out through my keyboard, raw and revealing.  Some who are close to me find it too difficult to read about the darkness and anguish that plagued my life (or maybe they just really don’t enjoy my writing!!) but there were others, usually strangers who contacted me, telling me how moved they are to at last have found someone who could put into words the emotions that they themselves had been feeling but were unable to verbalise.  What a wonderful revelation that was to me.  To be seen as a ‘voice’ for the expression of the deepest feelings of not only myself but of so many others is an honour beyond all others.  Just as I consider it an honour to have an individual come to me for physical, hands on healing of one modality or another; to experience the level of trust that people place in me is truly humbling.

I have long been aware that my life purpose is healing.  There is nothing that gives me more pleasure than to be involved in the healing process of another, to facilitate the healing and hopefully sharing with them the tools which will allow them to take their own healing to another level.

Recently I have been experiencing many aches and pains throughout my body.  Of course, being in my early 50’s I was prepared to accept that age was catching up with me and that the dreaded arthritis was invading my joints.  Off to the doctor I went and fortunately he decided to send me to a specialist.  The specialist had no real opinion to offer one way or the other but did arrange for me to have almost every bloody test known to man.  After having 9 phials of blood taken for goodness only knows how many tests I eventually received the call from my doctor asking me to come in and discuss my results.  Guess what?  The results revealed that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me!  No signs of arthritis in any way shape for form. Xrays also returned with nothing visible. So what is this mystery illness?  Why am I experiencing pain daily, almost constantly?   My health according to science is extremely good.

The idea has been filtering down to me in various ways for a while now that maybe I am not doing what it is that I was put on this earth to do.  How can this be so?  I am a healer and for the past year or so that is what I have been doing.  I have my own little business with a wonderful client base, I have been living my dream. How can I not be doing what I am meant to be doing?  

I have just returned from a week in Rotorua, New Zealand.  The trip literally fell into my lap and was totally unexpected.  I invited a girl friend to join me and away we went.  I do not believe in coincidence, my belief is that the Universe lays things out before us and it is up to us to either recognise the synchronicity or go on ignoring the signs.  Whilst in the wonderful Rotorua I attempted to make appointments to see local ‘spiritual healers’ in the hope that they may have some revelations for me.  I was unable to lock down appointments for various reasons so I decided to just book into a spa for a 30 minute massage while my friend had a treatment.  Thank you Universe!  Here, in the surrounds of this very lovely but quite commercial spa I found my spiritual healer.  She took one look at me when I walked into the treatment room and started lecturing me.  Why am I carrying so much pain belonging to others?  Do I not realise that the pain I am experiencing is not my own but that of my clients and most likely many others as well?  Of course, being a spiritual person I am fully aware that this is one of the dangers of being an empath and a healer.  We had a lovely discussion and the beautiful Marji massaged away the pain and the weight of what I had been carting around with me believing to be my own.

Also during the trip my friend received an email from her publisher with suggested cover designs and type fonts to choose from for her soon to be published novella.  It was so special to share this exciting time with her.  I know how much writing means to her as it is a passion we have shared since meeting.  As we sat and talked late into the night for many nights on our holiday we spoke of our dreams and explored possibilities of what might lay ahead for each of us.  At one stage I found myself telling her that she had no need to pursue a career in healing as her particular healing gift was in her ability to write.  Hello? Where did those words come from and were they only for her?  

A culmination of so many things which have occurred in the past couple of months has given me the awareness that my focus must return to my writing.  My healing does not have to be only in the form of getting people up on the table in my little clinic and soothing away their woes.  My healing can and will be also through my words, my ability to express from my heart whether I am writing of my own experiences or others.  How many times does a light bulb have to go off before I listen to my inner self and do what I am truly deeply passionate about?  Yes, I love my little clinic but it does not have to be my only focus.  I must embrace ALL that I am, allow my words to flow and trust that those they are meant to reach will through one channel or another find them when they will do most good.

So, is this progress?  Is this change?  Or is this just simply life and the Universe leading me to my ultimate Utopia?  Keep an eye on http://www.indigowisdom.com.au to see where this journey goes.

Until next time, which I am expecting to be real soon!

Take care,

Indigo (aka Trish)

Let our paths entwine

Let our paths entwine

You may think I do not know you
But what you fail to see
Is the soul connection
Between you or me

I see in you reflections
Of what my life has been
Images flash before me
Which only I have seen

Yet I know your pain
Your confusion clear as day
Because I too can feel it
In my own way

Share with me a moment
Let our paths entwine
Maybe for just a few short steps
Or maybe for all time

Trish Johnston 27 January 2014

A Mother’s Energy

A Mother's Energy

I sat quietly in meditation, my intention to send love and healing to all those who are suffering at this time. My focus not particularly on any one person but on the vibration of the injured souls throughout the world. The music in the background was not familiar to me, it was mainly piano which is not the usual music to which I meditate, if indeed I have any. The piece was hauntingly beautiful starting out very gently, soothing me, taking me inside myself to that place where I go before I can release the infinite energy from within. I felt that wonderfully familiar calm flow through me, erupting softly, the energy flowing from it in many beautiful pastel shades, mauves, pinks, crimsons, pale but vibrant blues and greens, yellows; gold and silver. I felt myself leave my physical presence, a familiar feeling where I am removed from what is happening but still aware of every sensation, every touch, every sound. As the music washed over and around me it carried the beautiful multi-coloured energy along with it in healing waves, rolling and swirling all around. It was being drawn mainly in one direction, off across a distance immeasurable in the human scale. I knew, without conscious thought who it was seeking. There, sitting upon a rock, an elbow resting on one knee, the hand rubbing his stubbled chin, cigarette in hand. The other hand resting on the knee dangling off the edge of the rock before him. At first glance the man looked peaceful, at home but then as the energy drew closer his appearance became more clear. The eyes were hollow with little life, the face which once had known laughter was now drawn with worry and fatigue, the shoulders striving to maintain a position of pride slightly hunched and a little concave. A mere shell of the vibrant man that had once been.

As I watched the energy draw closer and closer to the man the music built into a minor crescendo. From out of nowhere the sound of a sudden storm erupted. The man sat and watched the energy descending on him, disinterested and seemingly unaffected. It was almost as though he had been through this all before to no avail. His shield of pain and disillusionment had never been penetrated. Lightning flashed and as it did I felt another presence formulating in the energy. The mans eyes widened as he too saw the beautiful apparition. The energy was female, of the earth, of the Universe. The most powerful of energies, that of the essence of the Mother. As the man struggled to hold his battered and beaten energy in tact more lightning flashed, seemingly from the Mother energies heart. It enveloped everything before it, the man, the rock, the country side and me. The feeling of the most profound love overcame me as I felt my energy being lifted further still by this magnificent presence. The man reached toward the presence tentatively as though afraid she would vanish into thin air. Rain, soft gentle and healing fell gently upon the earth, upon the man. As I watched, my energy surrounding him in a loving cocoon the Mother presence laid one hand upon his cheek, gently soothing. He winced as though he were going to pull away and then his sad demeanour crumpled. Tears streamed down his face, mixing with the rain on his cheeks. The presence caught the tears but not the rain, in her other hand. Each time her hand filled with tears she cast them all around on to the barren land. As each tear was absorbed into the earth the soil around the man became fertile and tiny green shoots sprung forth. The tears washed the shadows from the man’s eyes until they were sparkling and full of life just as the land around him was awakening. Before long the swirling colourful energy was totally absorbed by this new environment. Birds of all colours flittered in nearby trees, wild flowers carpeted the desert floor. Crickets sounded gleefully, chirping joyfully at the abundance of life.

As the music mellowed once again the presence began to fade. She touched both of the man’s cheeks and kissed his forehead, then rested her hands upon his chest. The energy which held her presence so strongly flowed rapidly through the man, giving him sustenance. As I watched, the presence dwindled into a mere wisp of colour. The man stood proudly, full of wonder at the energy flowing through him, knowing that though the energy was no longer visible to him, she is forever with him, within him, keeping him strong, urging him to live and enjoy the flame of life she has reignited within him. The man turned and smiled at me, right into my soul, off in the distance I heard a lion roar……

Fear ~ that ‘other person’ in your head

Fear ~ that 'other person' in your head

“Worry is a terrible thing; like having another person in your head.” ~ taken from Ten Weeks in Africa written by J M Shaw.

These words jumped off the page at me this morning. I indicated in my last blog that next I would share my thoughts on fear. The quote above has prompted me to do so today. I am including in this an article, for want of a better word, which I ‘channelled’ in 2009. I share it with you exactly as it came to me:

“Fear; the most consuming emotion in the human spectrum. Fear is the greatest block that a human will have to deal with and deal with it you must. It must be confronted, defeated and diminished to a level that allows you to live wisely, trusting your intuition to guide you instead of the fear that constantly holds you back.

Fear leads to a great lack of self-worth. It holds your heart in a tight fist, allowing no growth, keeping it constricted, unable to function in the most fundamental manner of giving and receiving.

Some believe that it is easier to live in fear than it is to defeat the cause of their pain. These are the ones who are unable to experience the joy in life, the sweetness of true acceptance and love. Much of the dis-ease on Earth today can be attributed to fear. Your physical bodies hold within the pain that comes from fear, it lodges in an area of weakness, growing and manifesting into illness. To cure many of your Earthly diseases the first step should be to address the emotionally crippling fear from which the illness arose.

Addictions are a direct result of one feeling unable to face fear and turning to a substance that for a time appears to offer an escape from the pain and uncertainty in life. What the addict fails to acknowledge is that the paranoia brought on by the altered state is no more desirable or beneficial than that which is driving the addiction. Alcohol and drugs are mere masks offering no solutions.

Fear of living in your true power leads to a misuse of your personal power. To be a powerful person is to be one who has self-love, the love of and for fellow man. While this may seem a simplistic view it is all that is necessary to overcome the negatives. A misuse of power is due to fear and insecurity in oneself and one’s ability to perform a given task. A bully lives in fear of being defeated, of being ridiculed; unworthy so therefore he projects these very things onto others. Bullies demand respect which will never be forthcoming as respect is one aspect of love and love is something which must be given and received freely and willingly, with no expectations.

Many relationships fail due to fear from either one or both partners being unable to overcome the fear of commitment or the fear of failure or the fear of ‘surrendering’ the self to another. What they do not recognize is that in this surrender is a completeness brought about by releasing the fear of inadequacy and allowing love to lift and empower themselves and their partner.

Fear creates a tremendous imbalance in life. Dark outweighs light, pain and anger dominate happiness and joy; and so the cycle of negativity continues.

Those who use fear as a tool of dominance are committing a gross disservice to all concerned. The threat of punishment either physical or emotional is driven by insecurity and non-acceptance. Hate, anger and cruelty all stem from fears; either your own or those which have been forced upon you by others within your environment.

The most basic and essential task for all of mankind is to work on releasing fear and allowing love to guide your to contentment, joy and respect. Once this is attained peace and unity are unavoidable!”

To me there are basically only two real fundamental emotions – Fear and Love. Every emotion; every feeling; every action; every reaction; in fact everything we do comes from either one or the other of these driving forces. Fear, for the most part, comes from lack of knowledge and understanding. If we enable ourselves through learning to understand that which strikes fear into us at least we are then better equipped to handle it in our daily lives.

Often the fear which impacts us most is that of actually releasing pain. I know that this sounds strange as we all say that we would love to be free of the emotional pain which on some level haunts us all. There are, in my experience as a therapist, many instances where a person feels that without their pain they would have nothing. This is not a conscious thought, I am not saying that people consciously, willing hold on to their pain. I am saying that at times it feels, on a subconscious level that pain is what validates them. They have lived with their pain and their horror for so long that it has become a crutch to them… it has become their identity and if they were to release it who then would they become? The fear of that unknown ‘fearless’ identity is overwhelming. The whole scenario of unworthiness takes hold for they feel that they do not have the right to expect that their lives could possibly become full of peace; laughter and joy; love; even though that is what they would dearly love to have. It is frightening to think that they will have to readjust their life to accommodate a whole new set of feelings and emotions. What they do not realise is that it is an automatic occurrence. When we release fear love is all that is left to us.

I do not mean love as in the traditional meaning of the word, though usually once fear is release that one of one love comes freely also. I mean love as in self-love, acceptance of self, acceptance of what happens within our lives and the ability to make changes or change our perspectives to enable us to live a more peaceful existence.

I have another piece of writing from March 2010 which I would like to share with you about an amazing young Rwandan who proves that love can overcome the fear that I have described above. I will dig through my archives and find it and post it here soon.

2014 A time of change

 2014   A time of change

10 January 2014

A time of change

“2014 will be a year of change for me”… I had no sooner uttered these words than the Universe responded. A timely reminder that our thoughts become our reality. In the recent past I have been in a state of what I like to think of as auto pilot. I am sure that we have all experienced this from time to time, where we switch off to as many outside influences as possible and spend time looking inward. It may be for a very short time or, as in my case, a little longer however one thing I know for certain is that when the time is right to step back into the driver’s seat we can only ignore it for so long.

As the life that I have known crumbles around me on both a personal and a professional level I go through a huge range of emotions, all of them very human and totally expected. However, on another level I find myself experiencing something which is almost like an out of body experience. I observe the ‘destruction’ from a totally different perspective and know that it is necessary for me to be able to achieve what it is that I yearn for most. Already I am sifting through the rubble deciding what is salvageable and what is best left as it is. It is surprising how little I feel inclined to take with me on the next step of my journey.

There are some things that one can never let go of no matter what life throws at us. These I see as part of my ‘contract’ or as some may call them my destiny or fate. They are no burden to carry as they are of great importance to me. Those which are easily released are merely part of an experience which took place on the peripheral of my life path, the detours along the way which make life a little more interesting and or challenging as opposed to those which are an integral part of my life’s journey, a part of my soul purpose for being.

It seems that with barely more than a week of the New Year gone by I am already being faced with challenges to make the changes I have been thinking of. Immediately after posting my last blog and sharing it via social media, a page suggestion appeared on my screen, one I’d not seen before. It was for a spiritual group in a nearby suburb which is resuming this coming weekend after the Christmas break. Coincidence? Some may say so, me I take it as a message from Spirit that it is time to get back to that which gives me the opportunity to be the ‘real’ me.

A return to work after a much needed time of rest and soul searching revealed changes which impact on me immensely. It is up to me now to meet the challenges this places before me. From which perspective will I finally view them? I am still in the processing stage of this, still sifting through the rubble to see what can be salvaged. Life is about choices and we alone are the ones who can make the best choice for ourselves. No matter what others may lay before us it is up to us which perspective we use to view it. The one thing that I have learned in life is that to allow the opinion of others to influence your choices takes away your ability to stand in your truth. While some are comfortable with that it is not my way. There are many well-meaning people out there who feel they know what is best for you, by all means listen to their advice but let your final decision be one that comes from your own thoughts and feelings, not someone else’s. When others make suggestions about what is best for you they are making them from their own perspective. Let your intuition, your inner wisdom guide you and know that whatever choice you make it is the correct one because you have made it by your own means.

Fear of the unknown is what holds most of us back. Maybe it is time to trust….

I think I have just found the next topic I will write about.

Revelations ~ Quiet Courage

Revelations ~ Quiet Courage

What a day today has been! The roller coaster of emotions that have been playing with me for the past few days came to a head today. I was feeling terribly out of sorts and constantly on the verge of tears so I did something I have not done for quite some time – I turned to my cards. The pack I chose was the Archangel Power Tarot.

The cards which came to me were:

• Two of Gabriel ~ Make bold and ambitious choices! Great progress is possible. Important relationships with people who share your vision.

• Page of Gabriel (Energetic, Brave, Optimistic, Playful) ~ Follow your passion! You are ready for any challenge. Opportunities for excitement and adventure.

• Four of Raphael ~ Seek out other possibilities. Look for the magic in life. Be aware of your own emotions.

• Nine of Raphael ~ Make a wish! Dreams become reality. A joyful time of life.

Now I know that not all who read my ramblings will be much into the Tarot or other aspects of spirituality but believe me these cards had an impact on me immediately. My mind was flooded with images of times in my past when I was so involved with my spiritual work. My mornings of volunteering reiki at 60s and better; my group which I mentored; the development group which came together each Thursday night; travelling all over to give addresses and motivational talks; my automatic writing; my healing practice. My life was filled with such purpose then; there was so much joy and fulfilment in helping others and enabling them to find peace, happiness and balance within their lives. My motto then was “Live your own truth”, my anthem “No Matter What” by Westlife.

What happened to that life? I guess Spirit must have had more lessons for me to learn and more challenges to meet and conquer. I sure have had plenty of both in the years since I moved away from the safety of that spiritual community. Moving interstate, leaving behind my marriage, my friends and the majority of my family was something I felt I had to do. I needed the space to grow and learn who I truly was instead of being a part of someone else. I know that it has not been easy on my loved ones and I am sorry about this though it is true that we all have different journeys and it is not our place to try to interfere with that of another. Had any of them felt very strongly that what I was doing was wrong I am sure I would have heard about it!

With the echoes of the cards and the flashes in my mind I set off to get some sunshine and fresh air on my last day before returning to the rigors of my workplace. Somehow I found myself driving to a beautiful shop I have visited a couple of times called The Eternal Spirit. The wonderful feeling of coming home spread through me as I entered the shop… it was a similar feeling to walking into the bush, such peace and tranquillity.

I spent quite some time browsing, just soaking up the energy, becoming more and more settled by the moment. I looked at self-help books and knew that I have all the material necessary to write one of my own. I have no need for others thoughts cluttering up my mind for I know that within I have all that is necessary to provide myself with a life of peace, love and grace.

My son gave me a Willow Tree memory box for Christmas. Its theme is “Quiet courage ~ always there for me”. He felt it was a very fitting gift for me… I could not agree more and I am grateful for the courage to strive for happiness and fulfillment and am ever in gratitude to those both on earth and in spirit who are always there for me.

Spear Creek… Solitude and Nature. Part 3.

2013-12-27 10.18.5127th December 2013

After a rather sleepless night it was lovely to wake up and find that by some stroke of luck the bulk of my tent is in the shade of trunk of ‘my’ tree. The wind continued to blow until around 9.30am and kept it nice and cool so I took the chance to read and doze. When I was up and about I decided to take a stroll along the gully near the camp site.

Once again I was struck by the ancient feel of the land and trees. So many beautiful things to photograph. As I wandered along snapping happily I spotted a grey kangaroos tail laying out across the trail I was on. I continued on until I saw the rest of him, he was happily munching away on something by a small shrub. He raised his head and looked at me with a rather baleful stare, as if he were wishing me far away. The poor things must get sick and tired of humans invading their space. I snapped a few shots of him and then moved a little closer. Remaining very aware that this is indeed an wild animal at home in his environment, something we must never take for granted. I have heard the horror stories of what ‘roos can do with their powerful hind legs and I have no intentions of having those kinds of tales of my own to share. Once he let me take a closer photo and then bounded off away from me and along with him his mate, who had been laying down in the shade of a pepperina tree right beside where I stood. To say I was very startled would be a gross understatement. So much for being careful about getting too close to a wild animal. What was very interesting though was that something of that size can lay under the weeping leaves of a tree and go unnoticed. It does make one wonder how many other ‘things’ lay unobserved.

I continued on feeling pretty pleased with myself, enjoying the sunshine on my shoulders, trickles of perspiration rolling down my back…charming I know, but I have to tell it like it is. Sensibly I did have my back pack, mostly to carry alternative lenses for my camera but I also thought to put a water bottle in there as well. After wearing it for a while on a day as hot as yesterday I can now understand why you often see students with them lung over one shoulder; they do get quite hot after a while. Of course, my level of extreme UNfitness could contribute to the heavier than usual perspiration also. I really must do more of this!

My next walking companion was a lovely red kangaroo. Not the biggest that I have seen but quite large and muscular and strong looking. This one was far more aware of my approach and not so happy to pose for any candid shots, neither was his mate who followed closely on his tail as he bounded off ahead of me.

Once back at camp even a ham and tomato sandwich with an ice cold beer seemed like gourmet food. If I keep this up I will be able to take on Master Chef no problems!

After some quiet time with a book the noise of a vehicle told of the arrival of the caretakers. The lady raised her hand in greeting left me to myself. Solitude had been restored…..

To be continued…..

Spear Creek…. a place of Solitude (Part 1)

Spear Creek.... a place of Solitude (Part 1)

As I approached the entry to Spear Creek, there in the paddock beside me I saw at least a dozen emus, possibly more, they were scattered everywhere fossicking on the barren land for some little tid bit. As I pulled over to snap a few photos I knew I was coming to the right place.

Spear Creek, a working sheep station just out from Stirling North in South Australia, was recommended to me by someone to whom I would entrust my life. If he said this place would suit my search for solitude then that is where I was going.

Upon arrival the office was shut with a notice saying that management was currently away and to please select a site and ring the number provided to arrange payment. I walked around the campsites and was instantly in awe of the beautiful ancient trees around the area, the backdrop to the trees being the magnificent Flinders Ranges. The best part about it was that there was not another person in sight.

As I started to clear off an area to set up my tent marvelling at the number of butterflies which were fluttering around, I reached to pick up something lying on the ground. It was a bottle top on which was stamped a lion’s head. Now anyone who knows me well knows that I always wear two pendants, one of an angel and the other a lion’s head. The appearance of the butterflies (living symbols of angels) and the lion’s head had me smiling deep within. The signs are always there, we just have to recognise them.

So I set about putting my campsite together. The birds danced and chattered in the trees around me. It was not long at all before they had christened my brand new tent with a dropping or two and when I scolded them they proved that their aim was no fluke as the next one was on my head! Cheeky things.

After the work was completed I sat under the shade of ‘my’ ancient tree, a lovely cold beer in a stubby cooler; and allowed the energy to soak right into my being. How lovely it is to not only have the awareness of ancient times but also to have it surrounding you. Off in the distance I could hear sheep bleating, a comforting childhood memory. The birdsong never ceased, not until the light of the day had faded.

There was a time when this kind of solitude would have been too much for me, fears would have surfaced and I would not have been able to stay in such a place. Now, at this time in my life this is exactly what makes my heart soar. To reach out and touch the beautiful smooth bark of ‘my ‘ ancient tree and feel the energy emanating from it is a humbling experience indeed. Images of those who had walked the land before me danced before my eyes.

Indeed, what a wonderful place is Spear Creek; one of those rare places that really can be referred to as Heaven on Earth.

to be continued….