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Surrender is not a dirty word!

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Sometimes, in my healing I use the word ‘Surrender’. In doing so I am not asking that one gives up and accepts defeat, it is more that I am suggesting that if they let go of what they are clinging to they might just find that there is, in reality no battle. In this context to surrender is to stop creating and/or feeding the chaos in their life. Once they stop feeding it it becomes just another life experience, something else for them to learn from and take the lessons forward.

There are many reactions to this suggestion however, the one I most regularly observe is fear. Some become a little angry or uptight, offended even that I have suggested that they are holding on to that which brings them so much pain when all along that is exactly what they are doing. For many, they know nothing different than the life they are currently living, bound up in hurt and pain, with few moments of true happiness if any at all. So if they do surrender what will their lives be? Who will they be? They do not hold on because they want to but because they know nothing different and therefore are fearful of a life without the burden.

What is it that creates the burden, pain, the anger, the fear? It is in fact emotional reaction. When something happens in our lives that hurts us in any way we react to it, usually in fear or anger (which is really only an aspect of fear anyway). Our gut might tighten, our jaw and/or fists might clench, our heart beat quicken all in reaction to the pain. In doing so we embed this reaction in our cellular memory and until such times as it is dealt with it will reappear any time we experience a similar pain and the vicious circle continues and in some cases expands ever outward bring with it much emotional, mental and physical dis-ease.

Herein lies the need to surrender. To allow yourself to let go of the reaction to the situation. To this the most basic rule is to change your way of thinking, to restructure the though processes from the negative to the a more positive process. Instead becoming angry and frustrated at the person who it blaring their horn at you in traffic and reacting in a similar manner, simply change your thoughts from “Who does he think he is!?” to “I wonder what has gone wrong in his life that makes him so aggressive? Thank goodness I don’t have the need to carry that much anger.” Or just change a negative “Don’t be so stupid, what would you know” to “That is an interesting point of view. Thank you for sharing.” One does not have to react with anger or negativity to anger and negativity. The quickest way to calm yourself and others is to have no reaction at all. Ask yourself if this is truly important in the outcome of your day. Will it make a difference to your life in the long run? Chances are that much of the time it will not, though sometimes it will and therefore the question you should be asking yourself is “Is this truly benefiting me? Does it bring me peace and calm? Does it enrich my life in some way?”

There are times when we are guided by learned behaviour. By the writing on our walls, which I’ve written about before. Remember that not all that we have learned and we allow to dictate to us is really what is right for us. Society teaches us that we must respect our elders, we must love our family members, we must live conform. This, however, is not always the case. Not everyone deserves our respect, not everyone deserves our love and it truly does not matter whether they are older, or family or not. There are always exceptions to the rules of society and we are allowed to take a course of action which will enable us to feel secure and safe. Surrendering the rules that do not best serve you, allowing yourself the freedom to decide for yourself how you choose to think and how you choose to react is the greatest gift you can give yourself. It is your gateway to peace and calm and you do have the right to decide to soar and live the life that you so richly deserve.

Peaceful journeys

Indigo (aka Trish)

‘Breathe…Just Breathe’

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‘Breathe… just breathe’. If I had a dollar for every time I have silently uttered these words to myself I would be living the dream travelling this beautiful country in which I live, but alas I don’t so here I am sitting in my room at home attempting to explain to you one of my deepest darkest secrets. Well, maybe to some it is not such a secret but then I would like to think that I have managed over the years to overcome the obvious outward signs.

Anxiety.

That overwhelming, all-encompassing, at times totally incapacitating illness. Often it walks hand in hand with depression, which has also haunted me for much of my life. They are not always bed buddies though. Anxiety is a condition which can strike anyone at any time. For me it has been around for a long, long time and unfortunately has not always been understood by those closest to me and I, I am sorry to say, expected that they would understand when I simply said I have depression and anxiety.

One does not simply understand these conditions unless one experiences them for themselves. To some these feelings are so foreign that it is beyond their ability to comprehend. I do not say this in judgement, sadly it is fact. And I for one would love to be able to say that I cannot comprehend it also. Many become impatient and do not understand that it is about as easy to control as a tumbleweed in a cyclone.

The anxiety attacks – when you experience that inexplicable feeling that you are unable to breathe and your chest is so tight that you could be in the grip of a giant anaconda. The blood rushing through your body, hot and extremely uncomfortable making you feel as though you are melting from the inside. You feel yourself searching, desperate to hide, to become invisible to the world, to remove yourself to almost anywhere but where you are at this precise moment.

Anxiety for me has been the inability to take that phone call. It’s been the overwhelming urge to turn away and hide rather than open up that door and step outside into a world which I felt is coming at me from every angle. At one time in my life I worked at a place where the entrance was an archway through which I drove to access my office. Many times I was physically unable to make myself drive through that archway. The drive to work would be fine however the moment I attempted to drive through the archway I would experience the most overwhelming urge to turn around and drive away. At these times I would park my vehicle, close my eyes and say those words, like a mantra, ‘Breathe – just breathe’. As I focused my mind on taking a deep breath and feel it entering my body, I would also make myself become aware of my hands on the steering wheel, the seat supporting me, my feet on the floor… grounding myself, bringing myself totalling into the moment. Sometimes this would take mere seconds, other times it would be minutes but then and only then could I drive through the archway and go about my work day with others totally oblivious to any trauma I had experienced.

Another example was once again about getting to work however it was to do with my fears and phobias. I was, and still am to a much lesser degree, afraid of heights and also afraid of water. It did not occur to me when I accepted a role as massage therapist on the beautiful and unique Fraser Island, on the Fraser Coast in Queensland, that I would have to face those fears on a daily basis. I was very excited to have the dream job, doing what I so wanted to do in such an idyllic setting. However, actually getting to work was a challenge. I would travel to work from the boat harbour at Hervey Bay to Kingfisher Bay each work day. The jetty at that time had a railing on only one side. It was quite long and quite high. Herein lay the problem. When the tide was in my fear of water would arise, when the tide was out, my fear of heights would kick in. I developed strategies such as I would always try to ensure that I was either in the middle of the groups of disembarking tourists so that I really didn’t get to see either the water nor the distance to the water or I would try to walk against the railing with people beside me, however this was not as easy as it may sound with eager tourists searching for the beautiful sea creatures that swam around the jetty. Also I was on a very strict time limit as I had to open the spa each time I went across so I could not linger and wait until the tourists had made their way to the resort. One day I was on a later ferry, I missed the first of the day crowd which was always the busiest. As I stepped on to the jetty I realised that I had hardly anyone around me. Moved over to the rail, however the tide was at its lowest. Instantly my blood started to heat up, my breathing started to constrict and my head pound. Very slowly I walked along grasping the railing for dear life and fighting the urge to throw myself down on the firm surface of the jetty where I would not have to deal with anything… except for the fact that I would at some stage have to get up and move and people may think I were just a little crazy! Of course, I survived the walk and that evening I was able to surround myself with people so that I could safely board the ferry to return home. I knew after that day that I would either have to deal with my anxiety or I would have to resign. Fortunately, I am a therapist with many tools in my kit and I found one that worked wonderfully for me. EFT saved me from having to resign. The wonders of that therapy are for a future story, however, suffice it to say that after an intense couple of days of therapy I was able to continue with the dream job and enjoy the stroll along the jetty to get there. That day is firmly fixed in my memory, the totally irrational and yet uncontrollable all-consuming panic that overcame me will forever be with me. I see myself staring at the jetty in front of me, willing my feet to move, just one step at a time, repeating over and over, ‘Breathe… just breathe’. Another day which is equally embedded in my memory is the first day that I walked along the jetty without fear of either the water or the height… such freedom! It is possible to overcome anxiety however not everyone has the tools to do so, nor do many know where to find them. It is not always about medication, sometimes we have to think outside of the square.

There have been other times when anxiety attacks have reared their ugly heads but I will not bore you with details. I have given the examples above to attempt to explain the randomness and often illogical way that anxiety works. Much of the time, those who do not understand it are trying to apply logic to it. That, in my experience, does not work.

Anxiety is not just anxiety attacks, some may never experience a full-blown attack. For many it is a feeling of inexplicable tension, a failure to be able to think clearly and sometimes, speak coherently. For others it can be the inability to be around others for fear that they will see some or all of these symptoms. For me anxiety has made me feel at times that I have let so many people down, that I have never achieved as I should have or as they may have expected me to… a feeling of being a failure in the eyes of those who matter.

So I ask you, anyone who may be reading this, if you know someone with anxiety please do not judge them. You do not know the inner battles that rage within them. If someone is acting a little strangely or out of character a simple “Are you okay?” is sometimes all it takes to break the hold of the monster within, other times it may take more but it is worth a try and you never know when you may just change the course of another’s day. Never forget those magic words… ‘Breathe… just breathe.”

Peaceful journeys until next time,

Indigo (aka Trish)

HowZat?!

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In the wake of the last few days I can only say that I am truly concerned for the future of not just cricket in Australia but the country as a whole. I have this morning watched Steve Smith’s, Cameron Bancroft’s and Darren Lehman’s statements and David Warner’s comment to the press. My heart goes out to them. They have become nothing more than the newest targets for the media. Like specimens in a science lab they will be poked, prodded and put through mind shatteringly cruel scrutiny all for the sake of what seems to pass today as acceptable journalism. They will be harassed, cameras will stalk them, microphones shoved in their faces every time they move. Yes, I understand that they have taken on roles of very high-profile people (if you follow cricket that is… otherwise you may never have heard of them), however this does not make them our property. They are human beings. Fathers, sons, brothers, uncles, cousins, friends. And sadly human beings make mistakes or errors in judgement. None of us in infallible. Before you judge too harshly think about how you would be feeling right now if you were them, or their families or friends.

These fellows are in the position they are in because they are elite sportsmen. How have they got there? An extreme amount of sacrifice by not only them but their families as well. Also a huge amount of talent, strength, tenacity and love for their chosen sport. Most likely the publicity is the last thing they were chasing when they chose this path. Yes, no doubt they wanted to be up there with the best in the world in their sphere. Is that not what any truly talented person aspires to when they sacrifice so much in pursuit of their dreams? The fact that they have now become the latest targets for almost every man and his dog to take pot shots at in the media and on social media would not have been on their radar when they chose to walk along this path. Those who love the game of cricket have sat back and watched in awe as these men have “taken us to glory” on numerous occasions. Let us not forget that! The media are certainly happy to get their headlines from these heroics. Our politicians too like to jump on the band wagon and ride the glory train.

What kind of people are we that we feel we have the right to vilify them? I wonder how many of the so-called journalists could stand up to the harassment that they inflict upon their victims? I wonder too, how many would come out squeaky clean if they and their lives, professional and personal were placed under a microscope and dissected bit by bit, piece by piece? Oh, and don’t forget our illustrious Prime Minister! My stomach turned with disgust when I saw comments by him and other politicians about how cheating is a terrible disgrace. Really??? Politicians getting all het up about lack of honesty and integrity? Spare me the theatrics please. What hypocrisy.

Amazing too, isn’t it how everyone suddenly becomes an expert on topics that before have quite possibly not even crossed their minds. The snippets of television that I have bothered to watch show morning show hosts giving their opinions, evening show hosts giving theirs and no doubt everyone in between as well. I despair for the future when we Australians are going to be so influenced by this culture of everyone is an expert because they have the way and means of being in your face every day… they are ‘famous’ people talking about ‘famous’ people, they must be right… surely??? Give me a break.

I say let these men get on with their lives. Blind Freddy can see that they are mortified by their actions and the ensuing results. Just because they are Australians does not mean their actions are any worse than any other ball tampering incident from any other player from any other country. Look at the penalties other ‘cheats’ have been handed. Let the time fit the crime and allow them to do that time without being harassed and abused. They have been through more than most people could stand already. While I certainly don’t condone their actions I find the behaviours of those involved in their persecution even more abhorrent.

Until next time,

Trish

 

Ever Present Doors

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Doors inside and around me
In so much of my space
Opening and closing
at such a rapid pace

Barely is one opened
than another one appears
Some slam shut with a resounding bang
others I barely hear

There are those which appear so firmly wedged
a key nowhere in sight
Such energy I’ve wasted there
pushed and pulled with all my might

Now I see how pointless this is
why it would never work
For no door can be set ajar
Without finding the right key first

Keys turn up in so many forms
Often where least expected
Sometime in places new to us
Others in boxes long neglected

When the key appears before me
I accept it with gratitude and grace
For I know when it presents itself
More inner demons I have faced

And then in conquering all the battles
Each of them one by one
The doors they just keep opening
To reveal the rising sun

Trish Johnston ©    5th November 2010

It’s NOT all about you! Is it?

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One thing I see constantly in my healing practice is people who constantly battle with the image they portray to others.  My response to them is usually along the lines of “Does it really matter?”  For many years I, as most people do, lived my life fitting into what I thought were the boxes I was meant to be in.  The ones that ‘fitted’ with where I was in my life at that time… the wife, the work colleague, the mother, the daughter, the sibling, the friend and so the list goes on.  I strived to be as ‘perfect’ as I could be in each situation and in doing so I created a reality for myself which became more and more of a battle each day. You see, what I never really understood is that it is not all about me!  In the words of the late Wayne Dyer “What other people think of me is none of my business”.

How others act or behave is a reflection of them and their stories.  We do not have to make it all about us.  If someone is hurtful towards us most often it is because they have unresolved issues around the situation.  When they feel the need to lash out or to undermine or control another it is usually because of their own insecurities in themselves.  There own limiting beliefs create their reality and they are attempting to project that reality on to those around them.  When we accept that reality and react as they want us to react we are then allowing ourselves to take on their issues.  Most of the time we are totally unaware that we are doing this. However, in doing so we are perceiving it to be all about us.

Many years of soul searching have taught me that all those cliches that roll off people’s tongues so easily really do make sense, however, it is not until you have accepted yourself that you are able to actually see that those who are the most negative in our lives are in fact the ones who need the greatest understanding and tolerance.  When I say this I do not mean that we have to tolerate their behaviour, it is entirely up to us whether we react to hurtful behaviour with hurtful behaviour or whether we chose to not become a part of that scenario.  If we are truly not making it all about us, we can see that there is something more behind this behaviour than someone wanting to hurt us…in fact it is usually more that that person is hurting themselves.  When we choose to react negatively we are validating their negative behaviour.  If we choose to not take part in it we are in fact not validating it and therefore it has no power over us.

Some years ago I and some friends were fortunate enough to meet a young gentleman from Rwanda whose family had been through the most painful and unimaginable times of genocide.  With what this young man had experienced he would well have been justified in being a ‘victim’, in hating the enemy.  However, his purpose in travelling in Australia was to teach people that the only way to stop these atrocities occurring is by loving and forgiving others.  He could well have made this dreadful story all about him, instead he made it about being an instrument of peace for the betterment of all.  I learned so much from the short time spent with young Yanik. Not least of which was… it is not all about me, unless I choose to make it that way and if I that is my choice I then have to live with the consequences.