As I sit here in my little studio listening to the neighbours hens clucking I look out at the far north Queensland greenery surrounding me and wonder what else life has in store for me. I know that I am up for whatever it may be; I also know that it is up to me to explore and open up the pathways which are waiting to be discovered. Some may call me fickle, others may perceive my gypsy streak to be that of one who is continuously searching, me I am starting to see myself of a connoisseur of my own life. I am my own Gatekeeper, my conscience is my own, I do not seek nor need permission from others to live my life as I see fit. There are those to whom I will turn when I am throwing thoughts around. Input from these people is important to me, not in that I will hang on every word they say, merely that there are times when other’s views can shed some insight which I have not already considered.

There are many sayings out there along the lines of “It is not the destination, but the journey which is important”. This is so true. If we strive only for the final destination then we are living each day with only our final demise in our vision. Surely there is a far more vast and meaningful purpose to us living this human existence than to seek to the end of our lives. It is the stops and stumbles, the triumphs and the tears, the baby steps and the giant leaps, the celebrations and the sorrows which make the journey so uniquely our own and oh so worthwhile.

Was it really only a few short months ago that I was living in Adelaide, South Australia, being consumed by my work for a company whose only focus was on the almighty dollar? I was just a pawn in the corporate game and silly enough to imagine for a short time that my contribution meant something to “them”. Eventually I realised that I was just like all the others, when they had sucked the last little bit of usefulness from me they would cast me aside with no thought of my loyalty or the commitment I had shown to the company or its people. Exhaustion had skewed my perspective on so many things and I was close to collapse. In true gypsy style the only thing to do was to bid them adieu and move on. As my own Gatekeeper I made that choice and do not regret it for one moment.

It has been difficult living at the opposite end of the country to me friends of the past few years. I did not make a lot of friends in Adelaide but those I did connect with are very special to me. I do not grieve for them as they are still very much a part of my life and always will be, just as the friends I have made here in Cairns, Far North Queensland will also be.

The most difficult thing for me has been the environmental change. My heart aches for the wide open spaces of the arid state of South Australia. Here I am surrounded by mountains and rain forest…an eternal sea of green. My daughter tells me that green is good. Of course, she is right. Green is wonderful and full of life however I yearn for the colours of the dry country. The blue of the clear sky above the endless rolling sea of purple, gold, orange and green bathing the red soil. The hues of the migrating of season as they change before my eyes. Am I romanticising? Possibly but to me the constant green is beautiful but stifling. So much beauty surrounding me which I appreciate but it is not my kind of beauty.

To be continued…..