I wonder how many people truly understand what it is to be an introvert? How many confuse a person who is an introvert with a person who lacks of confidence? You see, I feel that in most areas in life I am a reasonably confident person. Public speaking? Sure no problems, as long as I know my subject I am fine to stand up and talk in front of an audience. With my work, sure I am confident that I know my stuff and that I am capable of obtaining the required outcomes. Put me in a position where I feel that I, or another, needs defending and I will not hesitate to speak up. In a nutshell I don’t feel that confidence or lack thereof is a real issue to me. However…

Today I travelled by bus from my home town to the beautiful city of Adelaide. At present I am sitting in my hotel room enjoying a lovely view which is only going to get more breath taking as the sun sinks over the ocean in the west. I am here for family reasons and may or may not be required to stay again tomorrow night as well. If I stay tomorrow night I will have family with me, for tonight I am alone… and that is how I choose to be. Yes, I have friends here from when I lived and worked in the city and yes, I am sure that some of them will be disappointed that I have not let them know that I am here but I choose to be alone. This is not about being antisocial, it is not about lacking confidence but about the fact that I just want to have this experience on my own.

The hotel I am staying is has a lovely bar which I could be in right now partaking in happy hour with other guests. Instead I chose to take a walk and when I discovered a bottle shop I decided to by my own drinks and come back to my room. (As an aside to this I recall how once several years ago my daughter said to me “Mum, you know you shouldn’t drink alone.” To which I responded “Well, darling if I didn’t drink alone I would never drink!”) I now sit here in my room enjoying one of my favourite pastimes, writing, and a beverage all by myself… and the key word is here is enjoying. The drink is not necessary, the time alone however is. Why necessary you may ask when I spend so much time alone at home anyway. You see I spend time alone because that is my choice.

I have learned as I have progressed through life that most things in life are choices. We can choose to live our lives as we want or we can live it according to how others perceive we should. The older I get the more I understand that it is perfectly okay for me to just be me and live how I choose to live. Indeed my choices, just as anyone else’s, are not without consequence and I am prepared to accept that also. Yes, sometimes I do get lonely. Though I do agree that it is far worse to be lonely in a room full of people than it is to be alone.

I attempted to explain to someone the other day how crowds did not concern me greatly as most of the time I am able to shield myself to feel insulated from them. This is difficult to explain though I do find that if I don’t shield myself I feel so drained by the time I am home that I never want to walk outside again. In reality I believe that I absorb so much of the energy of others that I end up with so many warring thoughts and feelings that it just leaves me exhausted, emotionally and physically.

Also, I have no need for small talk. I am able to do so and chat when necessary however I would much prefer to either have an earnest, in-depth conversation or to simply sit in silence. While some may think that I have the gift of the gab I personally believe that it is a true gift of enjoying silence. I admire truly flamboyant people however I do not choose to be one. If I ask a question most times it is because I have a genuine interest in the response, I do not ask simply to destroy a moment of blessed silence with idle chatter. Besides, moments of silence with the right person can be every bit as rewarding as conversation!

I am not sure if I am adequately describing my perception of an introvert to you though what I do ask of you is that while you may enjoy chatting and you may find it exhilarating to be in the company of others, not everyone feels the same. For some of us the only way for us to recharge is to spend time alone. To me this is what an introvert is. Not necessarily someone who lacks confidence, some of us can be perfectly capable of communicating and interacting with others, we just don’t need others to make us feel alive. This is no criticism whatsoever of those who enjoy company and crowds and feed off a group environment, we are all individuals and for every introvert there is also an extrovert. I, for one, would much prefer the tranquillity of the bush than most social interactions. To some I may be far too intense, to me it is about being true to myself and in doing so attracting those people to me who truly understand.

There is a restaurant in the hotel as well. I am pretty sure that I will enjoy the food I brought from home instead but who knows, by dinner time I might just choose to order room service while I have another drink and sit on my balcony awaiting the sunset with my faithful companions – me, myself and I.

Peaceful journeys,

Indigo aka Trish