One thing I see constantly in my healing practice is people who constantly battle with the image they portray to others.  My response to them is usually along the lines of “Does it really matter?”  For many years I, as most people do, lived my life fitting into what I thought were the boxes I was meant to be in.  The ones that ‘fitted’ with where I was in my life at that time… the wife, the work colleague, the mother, the daughter, the sibling, the friend and so the list goes on.  I strived to be as ‘perfect’ as I could be in each situation and in doing so I created a reality for myself which became more and more of a battle each day. You see, what I never really understood is that it is not all about me!  In the words of the late Wayne Dyer “What other people think of me is none of my business”.

How others act or behave is a reflection of them and their stories.  We do not have to make it all about us.  If someone is hurtful towards us most often it is because they have unresolved issues around the situation.  When they feel the need to lash out or to undermine or control another it is usually because of their own insecurities in themselves.  There own limiting beliefs create their reality and they are attempting to project that reality on to those around them.  When we accept that reality and react as they want us to react we are then allowing ourselves to take on their issues.  Most of the time we are totally unaware that we are doing this. However, in doing so we are perceiving it to be all about us.

Many years of soul searching have taught me that all those cliches that roll off people’s tongues so easily really do make sense, however, it is not until you have accepted yourself that you are able to actually see that those who are the most negative in our lives are in fact the ones who need the greatest understanding and tolerance.  When I say this I do not mean that we have to tolerate their behaviour, it is entirely up to us whether we react to hurtful behaviour with hurtful behaviour or whether we chose to not become a part of that scenario.  If we are truly not making it all about us, we can see that there is something more behind this behaviour than someone wanting to hurt us…in fact it is usually more that that person is hurting themselves.  When we choose to react negatively we are validating their negative behaviour.  If we choose to not take part in it we are in fact not validating it and therefore it has no power over us.

Some years ago I and some friends were fortunate enough to meet a young gentleman from Rwanda whose family had been through the most painful and unimaginable times of genocide.  With what this young man had experienced he would well have been justified in being a ‘victim’, in hating the enemy.  However, his purpose in travelling in Australia was to teach people that the only way to stop these atrocities occurring is by loving and forgiving others.  He could well have made this dreadful story all about him, instead he made it about being an instrument of peace for the betterment of all.  I learned so much from the short time spent with young Yanik. Not least of which was… it is not all about me, unless I choose to make it that way and if I that is my choice I then have to live with the consequences.