One of the most valuable and life changing lessons that I have learnt in recent times is that of truly letting go of preconceptions and expectations, yes, towards others but most importantly towards myself. While I believe that I have been able to do this with others for some time now, it has only recently come to me that no matter how well I may accept others and allow them to be who they are, if I do not allow myself the same courtesy I will never really find that peace that I so much desire.
True acceptance of oneself as I see it is acknowledging what it is that makes us who we are. The things that make us happy and those that bring us down with a thump, not only acknowledging them but allowing them to pass through our days as a matter of course. We are human, as such we have been given the gift of emotions to experience to their full extent. Some of us strive to be in total control of these emotions and not allow them to surface or appear as what they perceive to be a chink in their armour. Many of us were taught as children that to show too much emotion was a weakness. With terms such as “Do you want something to cry for?” and “Big girls/boys don’t cry”, “Don’t be such a sook” and so many others that I’m sure many of us have heard. My response to this now is – No, I don’t want something to cry for as I already have it otherwise I wouldn’t be crying in the first place! Yes, big girls/boys DO cry and there is absolutely no shame in that at all. I am now proud of being that sook, for I understand now that I am an empathic, sensitive being and as such I feel not only my own pain but that of others as well. It is nothing to be ashamed of but more something to be nurtured and allowed to grow.
True acceptance of ourselves as we are, warts and all is how I perceive inner peace. Make peace with yourself and it will come into your life in all aspects. There are many people out there who have attempted to explain to others how to arrive at this place of peace. Some travel the world conducting seminars and workshops in their efforts to share their knowledge and wisdom. People flock to them in droves seeking to find the key that will unlock this hidden space in which they can find the answers to all their troubles, often paying incredibly high fees for the experience. If this is what works for you then by all means follow your intuition and do it. Me, I have always had the awareness that I will not find the answers in the teachings of another. I do not say this from any feeling of superiority, merely from my belief that we all have the ability to heal ourselves and to find within the wisdom of our souls.
Right from the days when I used to deliver addresses to groups and churches my underlying message was ‘be true to yourself…trust the hand that guides you’. This, purely and simply, is our place of wisdom. For me to arrive at this place I have had many bumpy treks down paths which seemed to be more challenging than I believed I could possibly endure. I know now that those challenges were merely my perception of what was happening in my life at the time. We create our own challenges by not accepting what occurs in our lives. Yes, sometimes it appears we are in a place where we have no options, no choices of our own. This is never the case entirely. Usually it is fear that holds us in that place, fear of the unknown – ‘better the devil you know…’ It is only once you overcome the fear that you will be able to remove yourself from that situation. It is only once the fear is conquered that you will be able to see the choices available to you. Most times you know, deep down inside, what it is that you need to do though you allow the thoughts of ‘what if’s’ to rule your life.
Do you allow the opinions of others to influence you more than your own intuition? This is a very human trait. We often assume that others have more wisdom than ourselves. Why should this be the case? Is there anyone out there who knows you, your thoughts, your emotions, your triggers any better than you? No. You are the only one who has this ability. Others may presume that they know you but this is seldom the case, because we as individuals become very adept at sharing with others only what we choose to share, thus creating the illusion of a persona.
Recently I found myself wandering aimlessly in ever decreasing circles, totally disassociated from ME. I see now that I created this turmoil by allowing myself to be drawn into situations that did not sit well with me. My work place was a nightmare, my relationships were difficult to say the least, and life in general was a day to day challenge. Eventually I did what I do so well, I packed up and ran. Of course, the solution was not found when I reached my destination either. I had swapped one group of perceived problems for another, same crap different location basically. There were many wonderful lessons learnt along the way and I will be eternally grateful for this. I could have continued to exist in the wonderful environment I was living in but what is the point in merely existing when one has a passion for life and a desire to live it?
Eventually, I asked myself the simplest of questions – What, in your heart of hearts, do you want to do? What makes you smile on the inside when you think about it and makes you feel alive? The answer was very clear though it had several provisos. The overall answer was – return to South Australia. The provisos were:
• Live in a rural area
• Be somewhere near the Flinders Ranges (for a time at least)
• Return to my healing modalities
• Allow myself time for my greatest passion – to write
• Stop worrying about money
• Let go of expectations of what I want from others and myself
Here I am now, living in Stirling North (just outside of Port Augusta in South Australia); the Flinders Ranges are right outside my door; I am running my own massage/body balancing business from an established business in Port Augusta; I am earning enough to keep the wolf from the door; I have stopped expecting anything more of myself than to be me and I am very pleased to say that I have never been happier with the person that I am; my expectations of others are very few and those are really not more than to treat me as I treat them. All it took for me to arrive in this place was to be honest with myself and answer the question from my heart and not my head. I am sure that life will continue to issue challenges as without these I would stagnate and become a shell, however, for now I am happy to accept them with the knowledge that as long as I trust in myself I will always be able to smile.
Until next time….
Indigo's Musings 