Today I’m feeling vulnerable. Why? I really do not know. What is different today from yesterday or last week? Nothing. I have the same people in my life. As far as I know they feel the same way about me as they did then, but today, inside me there is this awful gnawing doubt. Doubt about almost everything in my life. I know what it is that is causing this. The black dog is baring its ugly teeth again. There is no rhyme or reason why. It just sneaks up and pounces when least expected.
I wonder why today of all days? Yesterday was Mother’s Day. I have two beautiful children and a daughter in law and was fortunate enough to have spent time with all of them during the day. I had a lovely phone call with my own mother (something I know I don’t do often enough!). I have everything in the world to smile about.
There is a Universal energy which vibrates through us all in waves. Rolling over and through us. Many are totally unaware of it happening. Others who are more sensitive to it feel it. Some resist it and others go with it and ride the waves just as a though floating in the surf. When I start to feel vulnerable and weak I am aware that I have to just let go and ride those waves. There are things I have been resisting which are dragging against me like I am caught in a rip in the ocean. No matter how much I struggle I will never make my way clear. Maybe it is time to meditate on that ocean and let the ebb and flow clear away the negative vibrations and bring me back into balance…
Peaceful journeys…
Indigo's Musings 
I don’t know how old you are but from your description you sound at a similar life stage as me.
I get a similar feeling sometimes. In my case I have worked out it is twofold – hormones as I approach full menopause (which make my mood go up and down) and the realisation my family is growing up and my first response purpose is changing. I no longer put a plaster on a scrapped knee, they need me in different ways now although I am fine with this.
My life has changed.
This left me with one question – Who am I in this present moment?
It’s a blast finding out 😉
Hi Thank you for your comment. It sure is a blast finding out. Each moment we are present is a moment treasured. Yes, I have no doubt that at 53 it is a combination of hormonal and many other things. My family have been grown and independent of me for sometime now, though there still are occasions where I plaster a metaphoric knee 🙂
Life changes constantly and I for one am grateful for this as it means that I am growing… who I am tomorrow will be an extension of who I am today 🙂